Idk . . .
I find a memento or drive past his office or first apt or a restaurant or a gas station or Dunkin’ Donuts or find a calendar entry or an email or a box of tea in the market or hear a song or someone asks me if I have heard from him or any one of the thousands of things that a couple experiences/ touches/relates to after so many years together. . .
Or I just miss hearing: “Hey love! I’m home!”
And I just get so lost all over again.
Why isn’t he lost, too? How can he be so happy again? Why did he find pleasure in hurting me? How could he forget us? Why did he leave? How could he find another soulmate? Why is there another “love of his life” ? How could he tell me that I was his best friend? Why would he tell me that I was the most important thing in his life? How could he tell me so many lies?
“I am my words!” “I never said anything that I didn’t mean!”
I can’t bear it . . .
I just can’t . . .
I guess in the end, “they were only words.”