Overwhelmed

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Your life can change in an instant – cliche but oh.so.true.
Sometimes it’s for better, other times for worse.
I reacted very badly aka unlike me to a very bad situation.
I’ve never been comfortable with myself even tho many have told me that I was justified to say and do the things I have.
I feel so destroyed and damaged, not just from Bob’s infidelity and ensuing behaviors, but because he altered who I am at my very core.
I didn’t really believe someone could have that power to make another need to do that. I guess I still don’t, really, or I wouldn’t have this blog.
I changed to cope but all I do is feel miserable (!) and long for things to be different.
I really loved him and I really miss him.

And knowing that…feeling that…fucks me up more than he ever could have.

I am so sorry. I was/am only trying to survive. I know it’s hard to fathom if you’ve never been there/here. I really am so very sorry I was driven to this level of suicidal thoughts, but I need to be at peace. And Bob was my peace. And I don’t think I will ever have it again because the thoughts won’t leave my head.

I feel rotten about all of it.

And I am lost.

And I …
never mind.

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