In all honesty, I felt a tad weirded out by it. I mean, LOTS and LOTS of hits. (I love how Word wants me to correct that to “many”. Nope. LOTS and LOTS it is, tyvm Bill & Co.)
I started this blog as a form of therapy after the break-up of a six-year relationship that I thought was leading to a lifelong partner. More than a “partner”, truly. A love. A lover. A friend. A rock. A confidante. A husband. A companion. A sounding board. A soulmate.
I mean, that’s what he had told me – pledged, vowed, swore to me – over and over and over. LOTS and LOTS.
This man, Bob, promised me the moon and left me with nothing but dust. Physically alerted with a permanent disease, emotionally a ridiculous basket case, crestfallen beyond belief, soul beaten down to the epitome of despair . . . that’s what he had done.
So I wrote.
And I wrote some more.
And again and again.
LOTS and LOTS.
I can’t believe how much poured out of me, and how often.
I made it public (most of the time, altho hundreds of posts are “private” now) but never really intended – or imagined – that anyone would read it. But they did. And they have. And they continue to do so.
And I thank you.
Maybe it will help you or someone you know and/or care about.
Maybe you read it to feel better about your own relationship because mine ended in such an absolute clusterfuck.
Maybe you want to see if I really off myself after all.
Maybe you think I’m an eejit and it’s just entertaining.
Maybe you actually care about me.
I don’t know – probably all of those come into play I would imagine.
But I can tell you this: this blog has been read thousands and thousands of times. Probably been read for every time I’ve cried over what Bob did to me.
That’s a fucking lot.
LOTS and LOTS.
I never thought it would be read that often, just as I never thought I could possibly shed so many tears.
Both seem a bit unreal – maybe even surreal – and a bit crazy to me sometimes. But both happened; both are true.
And I thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts, regardless of why – and I hope someday Bob reads all of this and maybe then he will understand just how much he destroyed another human being. And I don’t really think he ever would do either of those things, but today . . . right now
I just do wish it.
LOTS AND LOTS.
It won’t make a bit of difference to him, but for me . . .
this blog has been my salvation.