The end is nigh


I’ve written sooo much for this blog. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of privately published posts and all that you are able to read. (And no shit – after this published, I got notice that this is post. #. is. 1000!)

Many I had made public, and for one reason or another, changed my mind.

This blog

Last nite I had a nitemare.

A straight up, old fashioned, wake up crying, nitemare.

And you know, that’s what much of my time awake had been for a very long time after I discovered Bob’s fucking around.

I haven’t missed it. 

At. All.

This is what popped into my head, so I am going to share it with all of you:

I loved you so much and I wish you still did.  You don’t love me and you never will. Maybe I’m kidding myself: maybe you never truly had. Our lives came together in thE most surprising, epic, explosive and unbelievable manner…

And it all fell apart the same way.

I’d give almost anything to go back to when I was your “love”… And you were my “honey”.

My heart was ready to accept everything that happened – to open up and tuck you safely back inside.

But you don’t want that.

You don’t need me.

My heart or any part of me.

I have been replaced.

You see, sometimes my nitemare is real.

Because you are.

Because.

You.

All of it… everything.

Because. You.

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4 thoughts on “The end is nigh

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  1. The worst part for me wasn’t learning that my wife–the love of my life–was doing horrible things behind my back. Well, maybe at first it was… Really, though, the worst of it was when I realized that our relationship, our marriage, our life, our family–was nothing more than part of the Lie that was her life, and we were simply facets in it. She had reduced us to that. How vile.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. The range and intensity of emotions and thoughts that I have had/endured has been absolutely astounding. I flip flop and contort and ride a rollercoaster.
        But you know, I truly believe it boils down to a selfish person knowingly yet willfully damaging others for their own gain.
        And yeah – it is absolutely deplorable. ABSOLUTELY.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for your reply. I read your statement over and over and over. I could have written those same words myself. I remain deeply torn between my sense of duty to family and my need to be free. But I am evolving.

    Like

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