Loose Ends




So, in all honesty, I am doing this for myself. I have never been good at being selfish, but with this… I’m taking it for a spin. That’s pretty much it. I have struggled daily since Bob left to be with you. I tried to end my life. I saw no value in myself after what the two of you did to me. Every word of those wretched, obscene, inappropriate emails will stay with me until the day I die – and I so I wanted the torture to be over.

Bob and I were together for six years and we were engaged to be married. His third, my second. I never thought after a 20+-year marriage that I would entertain the idea again, but then Bob happened.

Everyone remarked about how we were perfect for each other and the epitome of a happy, balanced, well-suited couple. My best friend of 35+ years told Bob she had never seen me so happy. My dying mother told him that he was her angel and she was so at peace knowing I would finally be happy. He vowed to her that he would never hurt me. 

We got together in 2007 after four months of knowing each other, and we didn’t separate until June 13, 2013.  Or, I guess you could say September 11, because that’s when I found out that he was still seeing you when he wasn’t with me.

So much for trying to work us out.

I want you to know – again, because I need it for me – that my heart is broken and it will never mend. Ever.

My soul has been obliterated and I will never get it back.

My body is forever diseased and I will never recover.

My brain is filled with thoughts that won’t allow me peace.

Day after day, night after night, Bob told me how much he loved me, how I was the best thing that ever happened to him, how we were soulmates, that I would never get rid of him, he loved walking into a room with me at his side, no one ever loved him before, I was the most important part of his life, that he couldn’t get enough of me . . .you know, all of the things he’s telling you, too.

(Probably the only part is that he can’t really tell you that he wishes he had met you 30 years ago because, well, that just wouldn’t work . . .that would be breaking the law.)

I truly loved Bob and I loved our life together. (Oh – that’s another one, isn’t it?)

We traveled, shopped, went site seeing, the concerts and shows, spent time with family and friends, talked retirement and grandchildren and living on the water. Together. 

Conversely, we went through more together in six years than most couples should in an entire lifetime

When I came upon the emails chain between the two of you, something inside of me just died. I was in absolute shock. I shook and threw up and didn’t eat or sleep for 4 days straight.

A few weeks before, I saw an email to him where you begged him to “take you away from all of this!”

I was sure that I didn’t have to worry and that he would tell you that you were out of line. I trusted and had faith in him. I mean, he swore to me that he couldn’t live without me and that he wouldn’t even be alive if not for me.

He pleaded with me to be faithful to him.

He told me that he informed you that he was in a committed, long-term relationship and that you kept on coming after him nevertheless. Well, I guess you got your wish. The only person he talked about dividing flatware and dishes to was me.

Do you know that while he was in that graduation ceremony (and he had just been with me and my children at the ceremony earlier in the day, hugging my daughter as she crossed the stage for her second bachelor’s degree), I was waiting out in the car for him? He’s worried about a boner and I’m worried about him.

This could go on for a myriad of feelings and hundreds of incidents and thousands of words. But I won’t.

Because there’s no point, is there?

He’s got himself a replacement “-Ria”

My life has been destroyed and I will never be the same.

You told me that you knew how betrayal felt. Maybe you were just bullshitting me. 

None of it matters to you. Or to him.

But it’s life or death for me.

And the scales are tipped.









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