Dreadful

I have felt his absence keenly.

    It’s like a cutting void.

     

    The “Penny Dreadful” marathon reminded me just how incredible that series was…

    And how relevant some of it is…

    And…

    Just want to take a minute and thank all of you for following, reading, liking, sharing, and commenting.

    And for indulging my superfluous dashes, ellipses and Oxford commas.

    And for letting me slide because I tend to begin sentences with “And”, mostly because I was taught that I can’t.

    ❤️

     

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    So here I am

    I try not to steer too far off track with this blog. It began because a co-worker – and friend – encouraged me to write.

    “Write that shit out until you can’t write anymore!”

    And…as you all know, I have heeded his advice.

    And it truly has helped me, even though more often than not, I seem as though I am an absolute clusterfuck of a hot mess. Well, in truth, I have been. Sometimes I still am. But, I don’t know…

    I know every minute of my life with Bob and every single second of my life without him.

    I remember all the hopes, dreams, plans, speculation, wishes and scenarios. I can hear the promises, the whispers, the laughs, the giggles, the … love.

    I know these things. I recall these moments. I do. Me. My. Life.

    Anddddd off track I go…

    So…

    I’d like to say that I am pretty certain that writing all my shit out repeatedly and honestly and painfully truthful, has helped keep me alive.

    The point I’m trying to make,

    The point I need to make,

    Is that while I can’t swear to being brave and strong and able to suck up all this damage that has been done to me by Bob, entirely keeping my suicidal thoughts at bay, I can tell you that I have a reason to try really, really, really hard:


    First grandchild due in October ❤️

    Believing. 

    It’ll fuck you over every time.

    “I do love you.”  You said…

    And I believed you.

    My three year anniversary with WordPress. This blog I began because you hurt me so deeply and I was so profoundly heartbroken that I didn’t know what to do with all of my grief.

    “I do love you.” You told me that.

    And I had all this faith…

    So where the fuck are you?

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